Glancing back...but looking forward...
Sometimes it's a good year...sometimes it's a bad year...this year it was more like WTF???? I don't think this little town (a little town that supplied 80% of the carpet to the entire world btw) had ever seen a recession like we experienced in late 2008/2009. Many of my friends lost their jobs...many lost their own companies...many lost their homes. You could literally drive the streets and see the "for sale" signs, or worse the "foreclosure" signs, everywhere. In a town with a population of just over 76,000 people - our local newspaper had over 180 home forclosures listed in one week. I drove by these "for sale" and "foreclosure" signs every day on my way to work. There were eight on Tibbs Road (the road I took daily) alone.
I wasn't really concerned about me personally, I had worked for the same company for 20+ years...had received a good performance review and a nice raise in March, but something in my 'gut' told me..."you'd better get prepared." I had recently been 'shifted' to a new position and I knew it was coming...and it did. I have to stop and think, when asked, what day my anniversary is...or what day my children were born...but I will never forget June 10th for the rest of my life...that was the day I was told "sorry...we're gonna have to let you go." Ummm...okay.
I had misplaced the previous fifteen years of my life because I was working 70 hours a week...and tapdancing...and spinning plates on long dowels...and doing puppet shows just to try and appease people I didn't even like or respect. Well...it finally came to an end. What to do...what to do. The first thing I did was take a few days to question WHY I worked so many hours, WHERE did it get me, and WHAT did it cost me?
Why did I work those hours? Because I felt it was expected of me...and because at one point in time I actually loved my job. Coming home from work and immediately getting on the computer...working another five or six hours...was just normal for me. I couldn't live without that contact...someone needing me...me making decisions that would affect an entire company.
Where did it get me? I was one of very few female associates in management for my company. I made a nice salary that afforded me to obtain items that I needed...or wanted...or "just had to have." Cost was not a factor...if I wanted something...I bought it. It wasn't just for me. If a family member needed money...or a co-worker saw something and gushed over it...or if my kids said, "ah that's cute," voila...I took care of it...all wrapped up in a pretty bow. I felt a sense of accomplishment and relished in sharing my journey with younger associates who I knew could achieve the same.
What did it cost me? More than I ever imagined. I've sat here for six months and relived every day, minute, of every meeting and event that I attended and have realized that it wasn't worth the time and effort I put into that "job." I gave my life to this company and in return they escorted me to the door. It was my fault. I should have never spent more time on the computer than I did with my children. I should have played with Zeke on the weekends that he visited and simply turned off my phone. I mean what's more important...a sales rep complaining...or making brownies with your Grandchild?
I lost friends because of this job. I neglected them and they moved on and for this I apologize. If you called some of my closest friends and told them I had been in an accident they would be by your side immediately. If you asked those friends how long it's been since you've talked to Robin they would probably say months....maybe even 'years.'
So...I have to sincerely thank the people (that I previously hated for axing me)....this was the best thing that has ever happened to me. When my children call...I am present......I hear their words. When my Grandchild visits we play and talk...and I never say, "not now, honey...I'm working." And when my husband walks through the door at the end of the day I really listen to what he has to say.
Those items...that I thought I HAD to have? I'm currently "stuffing" most of them into boxes that will be delivered to the Salvation Army. I didn't need them...and for the most part didn't want them. As for being important...I remember what a coworker wrote to me when I left the ad agency I worked for to go to work for this carpet manufacturer. He wrote, "it's nice to be important...but it's more important to be nice." He was right and I forgot that along the way.
If I have one regret it's that I didn't realize this years before. Now, I may have to look at the price tag on things I buy, and I may have to put a few of those items back on the shelf, but I know when I get home...and when the phone rings, or someone knocks on the door...I will be there...listening...hearing...present.
I wasn't really concerned about me personally, I had worked for the same company for 20+ years...had received a good performance review and a nice raise in March, but something in my 'gut' told me..."you'd better get prepared." I had recently been 'shifted' to a new position and I knew it was coming...and it did. I have to stop and think, when asked, what day my anniversary is...or what day my children were born...but I will never forget June 10th for the rest of my life...that was the day I was told "sorry...we're gonna have to let you go." Ummm...okay.
I had misplaced the previous fifteen years of my life because I was working 70 hours a week...and tapdancing...and spinning plates on long dowels...and doing puppet shows just to try and appease people I didn't even like or respect. Well...it finally came to an end. What to do...what to do. The first thing I did was take a few days to question WHY I worked so many hours, WHERE did it get me, and WHAT did it cost me?
Why did I work those hours? Because I felt it was expected of me...and because at one point in time I actually loved my job. Coming home from work and immediately getting on the computer...working another five or six hours...was just normal for me. I couldn't live without that contact...someone needing me...me making decisions that would affect an entire company.
Where did it get me? I was one of very few female associates in management for my company. I made a nice salary that afforded me to obtain items that I needed...or wanted...or "just had to have." Cost was not a factor...if I wanted something...I bought it. It wasn't just for me. If a family member needed money...or a co-worker saw something and gushed over it...or if my kids said, "ah that's cute," voila...I took care of it...all wrapped up in a pretty bow. I felt a sense of accomplishment and relished in sharing my journey with younger associates who I knew could achieve the same.
What did it cost me? More than I ever imagined. I've sat here for six months and relived every day, minute, of every meeting and event that I attended and have realized that it wasn't worth the time and effort I put into that "job." I gave my life to this company and in return they escorted me to the door. It was my fault. I should have never spent more time on the computer than I did with my children. I should have played with Zeke on the weekends that he visited and simply turned off my phone. I mean what's more important...a sales rep complaining...or making brownies with your Grandchild?
I lost friends because of this job. I neglected them and they moved on and for this I apologize. If you called some of my closest friends and told them I had been in an accident they would be by your side immediately. If you asked those friends how long it's been since you've talked to Robin they would probably say months....maybe even 'years.'
So...I have to sincerely thank the people (that I previously hated for axing me)....this was the best thing that has ever happened to me. When my children call...I am present......I hear their words. When my Grandchild visits we play and talk...and I never say, "not now, honey...I'm working." And when my husband walks through the door at the end of the day I really listen to what he has to say.
Those items...that I thought I HAD to have? I'm currently "stuffing" most of them into boxes that will be delivered to the Salvation Army. I didn't need them...and for the most part didn't want them. As for being important...I remember what a coworker wrote to me when I left the ad agency I worked for to go to work for this carpet manufacturer. He wrote, "it's nice to be important...but it's more important to be nice." He was right and I forgot that along the way.
If I have one regret it's that I didn't realize this years before. Now, I may have to look at the price tag on things I buy, and I may have to put a few of those items back on the shelf, but I know when I get home...and when the phone rings, or someone knocks on the door...I will be there...listening...hearing...present.
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